Hey friend,
Welcome to the funny blog that’s posted regularly, the monthly fantasy adventure, The Diary of a Wizard. This week I’ve had a giant problem, in a more literal sense than you can imagine but luckily, it’s only a small giant problem. Wish me luck!
I was awokened early, at dawn’s crack, in fact, with an enormous thud. Then I felt it again. I glanced over at the glass of water on the dresser. With another, even louder and thuddier thud, the water jumped in the glass. Not another tyrannosaurus, I thought to myself, it nearly ate me last time.
The thuds kept coming, now closer than ever. I sprang out of bed grabbing my staff and pointy hat. It made sense to go out and face this prehistoric threat before it stomps a big hole in my roof.
I ran out the front door expecting to be greeted by huge savage teeth and little teeny tiny arms, but to my surprise it wasn’t a dinosaur, it was a giant.
“Mister Wizard. Mister Wizard,” the giant boomed.
“Who me?” I said even though I knew he was talking to me. There were no other wizards around or I would feel their presence, you see.
“Yes you.” His voice rumbled through his enormous chest and rolled out across the valley.
“How can I help you?” I thought this was the obvious question to ask when I constantly end up helping everyone.
“It’s my son,” he said desperately. “He has a condition. I was hoping you could take a look.”
“Perhaps a physician should be called upon before a wizard,” I suggested
“We’ve tried everything. Doctors, nurses, quacks, hypnosis, pills, potions, therapies, you name it, and now only magic remains as an option.”
“Oh, all right then. Take me to him. Let me just grab my pointy boots and satchel first. I’ll be with you in 7 flutters of a butterfly’s wings and just a jiffy too.”
Soon I was stomping through The Enchanted Woods on a giant’s shoulder. My trusty magical steed Horace was slightly jealous of me using another steed, but he’ll get over it (eventually).
After many hours we arrived back at what the giant described as “a little village”, but it was absolutely ginormous, let me tell you. This village was far bigger than your average human city.
Soon he treated me to a thimble full of tea, but it was bigger than any cup I’ve had before, and I could hardly lift the thing. It was pretty oafish of them to not even have it on a saucer, but their saucers are bigger than my entire dinner table, so I’d forgive their manners, just this once.
Finally, the giant took me to find his son out in the small backyard which was about the size of 11 football fields.
The giant gave me an anxious look and pointed towards his son, not a child, but a small giant. He was walking round in circles, backwards!
“Cuthbert,” he called out, nearly deafening me such was the noise. “Cuthbert, would you come here?”
The small giant walked over, backwards and stood facing away from his father.
Flustered, his dad grumbled and blurted, “You see what I mean? I ask you. I just can’t.”
“Okay, okay,” I reassured him. I would have patted him on the back, but he was a giant so obviously I couldn’t reach. “Just leave me with Cuthbert for a few days and we’ll try and get to the bottom of the problem.”
“You’ll watch him for us?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. Go and enjoy yourself.”
“I have been wanting to take the Mrs to the beach for a while.”
“Sounds perfect! Have a great time,” I said. I couldn’t do with hanging around with a negative nelly all week.
Soon they were packed and ready and they bade us and we bade them fare-the-well.
That was the first time Cuthbert spoke directly to me in a booming voice but not quite as boomy as his father’s.
“I am sooo glad they’re gone. They just criticise me all the time.”
“Well, come, sit down, and we’ll have a little chat.”
He proceeded to stand on his head.
“No, sit down, I said,” I said
“I am sitting,” Cuthbert replied.
“You are? This is gonna take more work than I thought. Have you considered sitting on your butt like a normal giant?”
“Well, I can, but I don’t like to. Sitting on my head just feels more natural.”
Even though I was somewhat taken aback by this, we sat, me on my butt, Cuthbert on his head and talked for hours. He was a delightful small giant, funny, smart, charming, polite.
I made him dinner, which was quite the effort, let me tell you. Giants eat, well, giant food, so I needed magic and a pully system to pull it off.
After a wonderful evening, we hit they hay to get some winks, looking forward to the following day.
Bright and breezy we were up and at them and went for a walk. Cuthbert, as always, walked backwards so I joined him. I found it rather more problematic than he did, bumping into trees and tripping over rocks and even had to apologise to a family of talking rabbits after I accidently stumbled into their warren.
Later that evening after me making dinner for the kid, Cuthbert thanked me. When I asked why, he went on to explain that his parents and teachers and even some of the other small giants are always either annoyed or laughing at him because of his backwards walking and head sitting, but me, I just let him be himself.
Now I knew Cuthbert wasn’t a problem to fix, his quirks should be embraced. We spent one last wonderful day together before his parents returned just after I’d done a literal mountain of washing up. I swear there was snow on the saucers at the top of the pile, and the air was thin up there.
I spent an hour or so talking to his parents just out of ear shot of Cuthbert. I explained that walking backwards and sitting on his head are just the way he is. They wouldn’t judge him for almost any other thing he could do, but this, they judged hard.
Then Cuthbert came in, said his piece and suddenly instead of seeing his differences they started to see the wonderful small giant that was their son. He was nothing less than Cuthbert the backwards-walking, head-sitting, small giant and that’s the way they would learn to love him.
I skedaddled home shortly there after so I could have a normal sized cup of tea, and I was exhausted from all the cooking and washing up of massive food and crockery. Not sure I’ll volunteer such services for any giants again no matter how small.
I arrived home and that cup of tea was almost heavenly, little saucer, couple of biscuits, job’s a goodun!
I sat and pondered young Cuthbert, and it seems sometimes people have quirks or things some people find abnormal when in the end, it’s just them being who and what they are. Maybe if we can look past the differences, we can see the character that shines on the inside, the very thing that makes every one of us special.
Now I must thank you for your time and reading and wish you all the happiness, laughs, and magic you can muster, but mostly, I wish you peace.
I’m gonna go write cool stories for you now.
See ya next time friend!
BB
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Dreamland Part 1 – The Fabric of Dreams
Dreamland Part 2 – The Masters of Light
Dreamland Part 3 – The Veil of Shadow
