Hey friend! Welcome to the funny fantasy adventure blog from the desk of a wizard, The Diary of a Wizard. This week I’m meeting up with my best friend and 500-year-old cave witch, Caladium Crane and we’re gonna visit her friend—in space, for a magical space adventure!
My trusty magical steed Horace and I made our way to my best friend and 500-year-old cave witch Caladium Crane’s cave bright and breezy in the morning. She had telepathically texted me that she had an important task for us to partake in. I arrived a little after lunch, intentionally trying to avoid whatever gross slop she’d be serving up for food that afternoon. Luckily, I managed to do just that.
Caladium informed me she has a friend that’s in a wee bit of a quandary and we need to get to his place as soon as possible. I thought we’d take our steeds, but apparently not. What she had failed to tell me is her friend lives in space. Now my steed Horace may well be trusty and even magical, but even he’d struggle to get me to space. So, this means the use of powerful and mystical magic.
Either one of us alone couldn’t make the transportery spell but together, our magic is more powerful than a punch from a pumped-up pirate on a potent and pungent potion. Talking of potent and pungent potions, that’s exactly what we mixed up. I can’t tell you how, cos if I were to reveal the secrets of wizards and cave witches the Grand High Wizard himself would certainly turn me into a hedgehog.
After a mighty boom and a puff of blue smoke, we vanished and reappeared aboard a tatty old spaceship full of reprobates. That is typical of Caladium’s friends if I’m honest—wait a second, what does that say about me? They were a bloodthirsty rabble of pirates, ones that pirate in space, otherwise known as space pirates.
She introduced me to the captain, Captain Starcruiser. He was a little down. We asked him to explain the problem.
“Well, I could have teleported you up, but we can’t afford the bill. Things have been pretty tight lately. Space piracy is a dying trade but it’s all we know. The men are itching to board some craft and steal all their gear, but alas we’re in this part of space alone.”
As with all problems, we needed to get to the root of it to find the solution. Having my beard connected to the vast cosmos I may well have heard whispers of what the problem was. The art of space piracy is dying out since the internet age and making way for space fraud instead. After I informed Caladium and Captain Starcruiser, she came up with a fantastic idea to help.
She would teach him and the rest of his crew how to do effective space fraud. Somehow it doesn’t surprise me one bit that she’s an expert in such nefarious things.
Only a matter of hours later and one at time, the crew started cheering as each of their complex scams paid off. We’d only have to hang out there until the captain paid his teleporter bill and he could beam us back to the cave.
Finally on Day 7 of the week we were beamed back down and me and my favourite person in The Enchanted Woods said our sad goodbyes. Horace and I made our way back home.
If the space pirates have taught me anything, it is that over time things evolve, and if we don’t want to get left behind, we must evolve with them. It’s pretty amazing Caladium didn’t kill or eat anyone on the trip, cos she normally does.
I’m gonna go write some cool stories for you now so I hope the week brings you joy, love and make sure you avoid space fraud because nowadays it’s rife.
See ya next time friend!
BB
Barry S. Brunswick is an Author and Best Selling Poet.
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Dreamland Part 1 – The Fabric of Dreams
Dreamland Part 2 – The Masters of Light
Dreamland Part 3 – The Veil of Shadow
Hairy Man a short story
The War of The Turnips
