Hey friend!
Welcome to the magical blog where anything can and actually does happen, The Diary of a Wizard. This week, sadly, I have a funeral to attend. Never fear, a funeral in The Enchanted Woods is sure to be filled with weirdness and shenanigans.
I received the sad news that my dear friend has slipped into deadness, and I must attend her funeral. I’ve known the fae queen, Magda for many a year. Perhaps it may even be centuries. It is hard to keep track of time when you’ve lived as long as I have. I must travel to her funeral and do her eulogy for her in front of the masses at the ceremony.
With the unicorn flu still flying around the woods, my trusty magical steed, Horace is still stuck in lockdown, but it seems more fitting for me to take a black carriage, drawn by four black horses anyway. I dunno, it just seems a bit more funereally. Luckily, horses seem to be immune to the virus, yet zebras and donkeys are not for some reason.
Soon the carriage arrived and then I had to make the long journey along the Rocky Path Less-Travelled towards the Shady Nook. It’s a long and slow journey, which stands to reason when the path is less-travelled. Ones that are more-travelled tend to be a lot safer. Never to let danger deter me I cast a bravey spell, so the horses didn’t get all shakily scared.
I got attacked by some rock goblins while I was trying to get sleepy time, but I turned them all into sparrows. Don’t worry though, they’ll turn back after I’m gone bright and breezy in the morrow.
I got up at dawn’s crack and we trotted off. After much hardship and toil, finally, we made it off The Rocky Path Less-Travelled and onto The Not Quite as Rocky Path Slightly More-Travelled. As the sun started to set, we made it to The Shady Nook and I made camp awaiting the morrow and the funeral.
Once the drizzling morning came, I made my way to the hollow tree which would be the venue. There were enormous crowds arriving. There were faeries, and gnomes, goblins, harpies, pixies, brownies, fawns, elves, dwarfs, trolls, and even a dragon. The dragon wasn’t a friend, he was only there to perform the cremation.
We packed inside the tree and there was a teeny tiny coffin at the front. A pigmy giant was to do the service and eventually, I was to speak. I tried to gather my thoughts and think of some nice things to say about the Fae Queen, Magda. That was when I realised there wasn’t much nice to say. I said before that we were friends for years, but, when I thought about it, I don’t think we really were.
So now struggling for words, I was called to the front. There I stood, every eye in the room upon me. I mumbled and stumbled a little and then I said, “There are so many things I could say about Magda, yet unfortunately, none of them are good.”
Much to my surprise there was a big cheer from all at the service.
I went on, “She was mean, grumpy and rude. I have known her for maybe even centuries, but I only spoke to her every ninety-seven years and always dreaded the next time I would.”
The crowd encouraged me more.
“It comes with a certain amount of joy that that old bag has met her grisly demise, and not a moment too soon.”
They cheered the loudest cheer yet.
I finished with a loud and true, “Good riddance!”
Now the crowd went wild.
Now the dragon blew a firey breath that turned the coffin and the Fae Queen, Magda into instant ash.
Then an enormous and joyous party was to begin. We all know that a wake is normally to mourn and celebrate someone’s life but it this case, it was celebrating someone’s deadness. It seems it wasn’t just me that couldn’t stand Magda, but everyone she came across in her life.
There was much merriment deep into the night and I got so squiffy and tiddly I ended up sleeping in a bush.
I awoke to the squawk of the bird of death, or a murder of crows as they’re otherwise known with a fuzzy head. I finally made my way back to the carriage, and slowly meandered our way back home.
I arrived safe and sound and not a moment too soon. I was more beater than a beatnik’s bongo I can tell ya. Although a wizardy life is normally on the road, it’s always great to be back home.
I know people only say nice things about people when they succumb to deadness, but in Magda’s case, I really couldn’t. The lesson I’ve learned from this whole thing is I think we should all try and live a life that people don’t want to celebrate when we die.
Thankfully the Princess is now the Queen and the fae-folk will have a far nicer and more empathic leader, rather than a haggard old battle axe. In this case it won’t be so much Magda resting in peace, more the rest of us living in it.
I’m gonna write some cool stories for you now. I wish you a happy week or two depending on when I get round to writing another edition of The Diary of a Wizard, but however long it is, it’ll feel like nowt but a jiffy.
See ya next time friend!
BB
Barry S. Brunswick is an Author and Best Selling Poet.
Have you read Barry’s blog about the Fantasy Series?
Buy Barry’s books on Amazon today!
Dreamland Part 1 – The Fabric of Dreams
Dreamland Part 2 – The Masters of Light
Dreamland Part 3 – The Veil of Shadow
Hairy Man a short story
The War of The Turnips
