Hey friend! Welcome to the miraculously magical Diary of a Wizard. This week I’ve gotta go mountaineering to meet up with the hermit in the cave. I like the mountains, so this should be fun!
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day One
I received a message via sparrow hawk this morning and it was signed, “The Hermit that Lives in the Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain’s Concerned Mother”. She asked me to head up to The Scary Cave, Atop the Icy Mountain, and check on her son. She’s rather worried about his wellbeing.
Being the kind of wizard I am, I guess it’s time to get my magic snow boots and my ice pick and make like a baby and head out.
I summoned my trusty magical steed, Billy the oversized talking cockney mountain goat and waited. Billy never arrived. I wonder what he’s up to. That leaves me only one choice—to ride my pointy boots there instead.
I left much later than I should have, but finally, I made camp beneath The Rickety Old Tree. I hope it doesn’t get windy tonight. The tree is pretty rickety and old, it’s not just a clever name.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Two
It did get a little breezy last night and I’ve got a slight bump on my melon. You’d think in all the lifetimes I’ve been around, I would be wise enough to know, not to sleep under anything called “Rickety”, but that wouldn’t be as funny, now would it? Anyway, I hit the dusty trail and marched right on through the forest, reaching the Icey tundra before nightfall. I would have froze to death if I wasn’t a wizard. It was parkyer than a polar penguin’s purple popsicle, I can tell ya.
I’m gonna catch some shivery winks and in the morrow, tackle the mountain.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Three
I woke up super bright and breezy this morning, for today, I am to tackle an icy mountain. I climb them pretty well with my magic boots and all, but even I was not prepared, when the clouds rolled in, thick and black. The wind howled, cold enough to cut ya nose off, and suddenly a blizzard began. I could feel myself freezing over, so I skulled some warming potion and snuck into a crevice in the mountainside for shelter. Things went dark and it was so cold I couldn’t feel my toes. I fell asleep, and it was what I thought could be my last ever sleep. But somewhere in the haze, suddenly I felt warm and cosy. I wasn’t really with it at that point, a bit cold delirious, but I caught some winks, warm and snuggly.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Four
I awoke with a start because I heard a fearsome rumble. The blizzard had stopped, I was as warm as a summer’s day, and being the little spoon. The problem with this was, an enormous yeti was being the big spoon. Obviously, I jumped up, I was embarrassed, rather than scared. After all, the yeti had kept me warm and possibly even within this realm.
Turns out his name is George and he’s a thoroughly nice chap. We had a little brekkie, tea and toast and marmalade and then old George, picked me up upon his back, and whisked me up the mountain. Ha ha! Have that, Billy! I may not have an oversized talking cockney mountain goat as my steed, but I have got a yeti.
Anyway, soon we were atop the icy mountain, and near The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain. It’s called The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain, cos, well, it’s a scary cave and atop The Icy Mountain, see. George waited outside. We didn’t want him to make the occupant of The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain, all shakily scared like a cowardy custard, now did we?
“Hello…” I said.
“Hello… It’s just me.” I said next.
“Me who?” came a screechy voice from the darkness.
“You’re, you though, surly?” the voice came back.
“To you, I’m you, but to me, I’m me.”
“So you are you, you?”
“Look, I’m me when I refer to myself, but I’m you when you refer to me.”
“Okay, got it. Hello, you, I’m The Hermit that Lives in The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain.” He’s called The Hermit that Lives in The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain cos… Well, you get the picture and already know the joke.
“Hello, The Hermit that Lives in The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain. I’m the wizard.”
“I thought you were me?”
“I’m The Wizard okay, The Wizard.”
“Oh, right. What do you want? I don’t like people, that’s why I’m a hermit.”
“Well, you’re in luck then. I’m not a person, I’m a wizard.”
“I guess that’s okay then, just this once.”
Finally, he invited me in, and we sat and had a chat. I explained how his mother was worried for his wellbeing. He told me he’s just an introvert and people are just too peopley for him. Though he does have a slight prang of depression he confessed. He gets a little lonely, but certainly would never want any people friends. That gave me an idea.
I rushed to the cave entrance and called George, inside. Finally, he showed up looking all fuzzy. The hermit took us in for the evening, and he and George hit it off like a house on fire. I think I may have solved this little problem.
We made merry and feasted heartily but now it’s time to hit the hay. I’ve got a long journey in the morrow.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Five
Woke up bright and breezy, and even though I felt a little guilty for making him leave his new friend, George was happy to carry me back down the mountain. He gets over that rugged terrain like well, a yeti. He promised to come straight back to The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain, to see The Hermit that Lives in The Scary Cave Atop the Icy Mountain.
The hermit said and I quote: “I’ve been alone for half an age, a couple more days won’t hurt.” Then he grabbed me by the arm and stared wild into my eyes. “Darkness is coming wizard, darkness.” He hissed and let go, scurrying back into the dark.
“Yeah, well, that’s called night time isn’t it, mate?”
He scurried forward again, grabbing my arm and staring wild into my eyes. “Not that kind of darkness, wizard, inner darkness you see. It’s coming soon.”
“When?” I asked.
“I’m not so sure, maybe next week, to celebrate the anniversary of The Diary of a Wizard, or something. I vaguely see a 2-part special in the very near future, at what would just so happen to coincide with such a time. I can’t be certain, but it could be the greatest adventure yet!”
“Oh, okay, pretty specific, but, yeah, we’ll see what happens. Alright then, George’ll be back in a couple of days. Guess I better hit the snowy trail then.” Dude sounds battier, than a backward barking badger, being bitten by a barmy beagle, if you ask me.
We climbed through the day, well George did anyway, and made base camp a bout 2/7ths of the way down the mountain. Time to catch some winks.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Six
Woke up bright and breezy and made the foot of the mountain by mid-morning and waved goodbye to George with a big yeti cuddle. That will mean I’ll have to travel til midnight, to make it home in the morrow.
I travelled through the day and night, until I grew pretty sleepy. Don’t worry, I won’t make the mistake of sleeping beneath The Rickety Old Tree tonight, I think I’ll sleep by The Crumbly Fally Rocks instead. I hope there’s no sudden tectonic movement during the night.
The Hermit and the Yeti: Day Seven
Much to your surprise and mine, there was no tectonic movement in the night. That kinda sucks, I only slept there for comedy’s sake, but never mind. I made it home by lunchtime and I tell ya, I was more beater and battered than a beatnik’s badger skin bongo by the time I got back.
All in all, I’m pleased the hermit found a friend, hopefully his mental health will improve. It’s always fun to hang with a yeti, or any cryptid for that matter, and that’s just a fact, you should try it some time. I’m not sure his predictions of the future are gonna come true though. That all sounds a bit far-fetched to me.
Anyway, I’m gonna write some cool stories for you now. I hope the week is a big, tall, fuzzy, furry, cuddly one.
See ya next week friend!
Barry S. Brunswick is an Author and Best Selling Poet.
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