Posted on Leave a comment

The Diary of a Wizard Week Fifty Four: The Internet Troll

The Diary of a Wizard blog brought to you by Barry S. Brunswick Week 54. There is a Wizard sitting at a desk writing with a quill by candlelight.

Hey friend, I’m back with another magical edition of The Diary of a Wizard, the funny fantasy adventure blog but what more could you expect from a wizard’s diary. This week while my trusty magical steed Horace is in unicorn rehab, I’m reluctant to travel far being steedless and all, so I’m trying my hand at social media. I may find a way to better spread my important magical knowledge.

First, I had to figure out which platform to use. I didn’t want to use one owned by a billionaire egomaniac tech-bro, cos frankly, they suck, so, that leaves me the choice of Kneejerk, Outrage, or SoapBox.

I gave Kneejerk a try, but for some reason everyone seems to respond immediately and without thinking. I gave Outrage a crack, but everyone is super mad about everything all the time. SoapBox it was.

I awoke to the morning. I had a pretty bad sleep if I’m honest. I’ve only been on social media for a couple of hours, and I’ve already got anxiety and FOMO.

I sat at my computer and scrolled a lot of people photographically documenting their meals, and folks doing a kind of weird fish lipped thingy in a selfie. I remember when smiling was cool, man. There seemed to be an awful lot of cat videos on there too. There were lots of folks arguing about almost everything. I swear, a woman said “wow, the sky is blue today” and some dude argued it was not, and mansplained why she was wrong. Strange behaviour indeed. Before I knew it, the whole day had disappeared in a flash, and I’d done literally nothing.

After learning how it all worked, it was time to make my own post, known as “spamming” or “a spam” on this app. Followers are officially referred to as “Stalkers”, so soon enough I should have a million stalkers and then I can spam the hell out of all of them. I just needed to decide what to post. I had a couple of great ideas that I was certain no one’s ever thought of before. I asked if pineapple belongs on a pizza, and if men and women can really be friends. I got many return spams from my new stalkers which was nice, but one got me pretty upset. It simply said: “You suck dude!”

I pointed out, that that’s not a nice thing to say, and then I got back: “Don’t care, poopy pants!” and a tongue out emoji.

“I will not have this rudeness!” I said, certain that would put this person back in their place.

Then the reply was: “You have to have my rudeness. You silly sausage!”

Well, that was a level of maturity that I did not expect.

The next day, I looked into the rude user’s account. It was mainly hateful replies and a photo showing a boulder outside a cave. By pure coincidence, I recognised it immediately, and conveniently, it wasn’t very far away. Wow, that was a result! I decided to pay this stalker a little visit. Spreading hate isn’t a great way to spend your time and upsetting a wizard is even worse.

I arrived at the boulder and wrapped my staff loudly on the cave entrance. I was surprised when a huge cave troll answered the door. “Are you @hugemuscleysexysixpackabsadonis, on SoapBox?” I asked.

“No, that would be my son.”

“Can I see him?”

“Sure, but what’s he done now?”

“Internet trolling.”

“He is a troll though, you know that, right?”

“Well, yes, but I need to have a word.”

“Go on through.”

The kid was ugly and about 3 feet tall. I took the time to explain kindness and that being a bully online may give you a moment’s satisfaction, but it has real life impacts on other people’s mental health. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, you probably shouldn’t say it online. After many tears, the internet troll realised the misery he was causing and promised he’d change his ways. I do confess I told him I’d turn him into a hedgehog if he didn’t.

I got home and decided to quit social media for good. It didn’t have a good impact on my life, in fact, in some ways it made me a bit sad.

In summary, if all you do is spread hatred online, eventually it consumes you. If we have a negative comment, we can just scroll on by and get on with our lives. To spread kindness and wisdom and to empower people is the best way to use these things, and that moment’s satisfaction from hurting someone, can become a lifetime of satisfaction, that you, in no matter how small-a way, have made the world a slightly better place. And if you don’t have much knowledge of a subject, maybe just listen to those that do. We’re all entitled to an opinion, but that doesn’t always mean, we should voice it.

I’m gonna write some cool stories for you now. I hope your week will be filled with kindness, sunshine and pretty flowers.

See ya next week friend!


Barry S. Brunswick is an Author and Best Selling Poet.
Have you read Barry’s blog about the Fantasy Series?
Buy Barry’s books on Amazon today! 
Dreamland Part 1 – The Fabric of Dreams
Dreamland Part 2 – The Masters of Light

Dreamland Part 3 – The Veil of Shadow
Hairy Man a short story
The War of The Turnips

The Dreamland Trilogy of books by Barry S. Brunswick. The Fate of Dreamers Everywhere Will Soon be Decided. Click to get yours now.

Leave a Message for the Wizard

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.